What if?

All the world loves a good what-if. What if the South had won Gettysburg, what if Kennedy hadn't been riding in a convertible, what if Scarlett had never gone to that darn picnic at the Wilkes'. Lucky for us, we're still privy to some of the close-call what-ifs and decisions made in classic Hollywood. Some are of the "well that would have been interesting" variety, some the "thank God that didn't happen," but in either and all cases, they're indeed fun propositions to speculate. 

The first on our list of close-calls was the search for every one's favorite homesick little terrier lover, Dorothy Gale. It seemed only natural that the lead part in The Wizard of Oz would go to the smash hit child star of the day, a face audiences would be familiar with, would draw crowds, and add that certain--cuteness. Dimples and quarter socks and tap shoes, oh my! Instead of Judy Garland, or Frances Ethel Gumm, we almost got....

Shirley Temple. Gee wilikers! Think what a change in the footprint of 1939  that have would have made. Instead of the childlike (not childish) allegory that so many millions of people in hundreds of languages have grown up with, we would have gotten--cute. Shirley's little patent-leathered feet could certainly have kept up with Ray Bolger, but I think she would have enjoyed the adventure too much. Judy was just mature enough to be startled and a little bit scared by the craziness of this Technicolor land. Shirley's innocence would have come across as either Alice in Wonderland-terrified or Charlie in the Chocolate Factory-delighted. Neither one would have been right. And what's worse, we would have lost that song that almost didn't make it through the rushes--"Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Think of that! "Animal Crackers in my Soup" just doesn't cut the mustard. 

Then there's this close call with ridiculousness. Clark Gable as Tarzan, a role that the whole jungle is grateful ultimately swung to Johnny Weissmuller. Even if every straight female born after 1930 wouldn't have balked much at seeing Rhett in a loin clothe, we know that wouldn't have worked. Denied the role because producers didn't think he was muscular enough, Gable feigning an ignorant jungle-boy dialect just seems odd. The whole Tarzan franchise seems odd to me, even with Johnny, but whatever. Me writer, you reader, what do I know?

And what about Bette Davis as Rose Sayer in The African Queen? She was considered for that role before Katherine Hepburn. I'm usually all over the idea of Bette in any role, absolutely, put her in! Out with the old, in with the Bette! But honestly, would anybody have bought the idea of pistol-packing, face-slapping Bette as a primly legalistic missionary? And there's no way, NO WAY, she would have fallen for anybody with the pitiful grammar of Charlie Allnut. Nope. She probably would have slapped him for being such a sissy about the leaches too. That wouldn't have worked.

Finally, our nearest brush with disaster, Claudette Colbert as Margo Channing. And if she hadn't broken her back, she would have been the star in All About Eve, not Bette. Maybe it's because I've seen The Egg and I too many times, or maybe I haven't been able to get the image of her hitchhiking with Gable in It Happened One Night out my head, but Colbert was just too flirty to be Channing.  She could have looked the part, but behind every viciously spat-out line, there would have been the suspicion behind it that she was just kidding. I don't see her charging around her living room, gnawing on chocolate and Bill Sampson, do you? There was only one person who could be that something-called-a-temperament, and that was Bette.






So I guess with all the possible what-if's in Hollywood, it was us, the movie lovers, who have gotten the last laugh.